- Russell: You can e-mail or text in where you'd like to travel and why, possibly you went to the Jorvik Viking Centre...
- Jon: It's rubbish!
- Russell: Alright Jon, don't break it!
- Jon: 8 quid to get in and they say you're going back in time right, and that's sitting...I could fart on a chair and it would vibrate more than that pathetic...
- Russell: Yeah, but you can't sell that as a ride! (*impersonating Jon*) "Eh, come and try Jon's guff seat!"
- Jon: I'm not gonna set it up...I don't have to business acumen like you. I don't know what it takes to run a business.
- Russell: (*laughing*) What would be fantastic is just the idea of you somehow doing it like adhoc...just guffing on a bench and going (*impersonating Jon*) "that'll be a fiver...you've just been to a theme park!"
Jon visits the Jorvik Viking Centre in York (3/12/06)
21/12/08 - The Jon Richardson Show, with Matt Forde, Lloyd Langford and Rhod Gilbert...Lloyd the toilet-wrecking gnome-smasher!
- Jon Richardson: Did you have an argument with the gnome, because you thought he was real?
- Lloyd Langford: No! It was an accident. You're painting me as some sort of toilet-wrecking, gnome-smashing lunatic!
- Jon: *laughing* There's a sentence you didn't expect to say when you woke up this morning...At some point today I'm gonna have to point out that I'm not a toilet-wrecking, gnome-smashing lunatic...Erm...You've kind of done most of the work yourself.
- Rhod Gilbert: Yep. You smashed the gnome, you wrecked the toilet.
- Jon: I mean, you can't deny...
- Rhod: *laughing*...If the cap fits!
- Jon: The sad thing is, the lunacy is the only unproved fact.
- Rhod: Exactly! I wouldn't go with the lunatic bit...you're just a toilet-wrecking gnome-smasher.
- Jon: You're just a regular toilet-smashing, gnome-wrecking kind of guy.
- Lloyd: So you're painting me now as an average...
- Rhod: Yep. Just your run-of-the-garden toilet-wrecking gnome-smasher.
- Lloyd: Run-of-the-garden?!
- Rhod: Run-of-the-mill, whatever you call it! *laughs* You can have the run-of-the-garden, I've told you that. Just to keep you out of the house.
October Schmoctober,
True or false?
If anyone gets this reference I will love you forever. Literally laughing too much at this.
Jon and the Adventures of Russell's mate, Swank (08/07/07)...
- Russell: Anyway, I was quite fast [at running]. Me and my mate, Swank -
- Jon: Do they? [Giggles]
- Russell: - was very tall and er, every time...
- Jon: Never grow tired of it though, do I?
- Russell: Neither does he - [Jon bursts out laughing] But...
- Jon: You should have seen his mate Swank on a football pitch. He was unbelievable! He taught you how to cook, didn't he?
- Russell: Yes -
- Jon: - I mean, you can still taste his mate Swank in his food now. [Audible groan from the studio]
- Russell: [Horrified] What is he doing?! [Jon sniggering]
- Jon: Go on, carry on with your anecdote. Your 'man-ecdote'. [Giggling]
- Russell: [Jon is hysterically giggling throughout] The point of it was, that I got beaten up by some bigger boys. Because we had to play in the third year, I was eleven, they were thirteen - but you are just giggling at the torrent of masturbatory gags that you have just done!
- Jon: [Steals himself, still quietly cackling] Ooh, carry on!
- Russell: No, I've finished, Jon.
- Jon: Have you? Oh, I missed the punchline. No one's laughing so I'm guessing that there wasn't one.
- Russell: Oh, Jesus Christ...
- Jon: Ooh...SLAM!
Email from a listener, 2007/02/25
- Russell: "Don't be silly, Russell. We all know that Jon's fetish is correct grammar. If you use "whom" correctly in front of him, he will be putty in your hands." Let's try that, Nathan. Alright, Jon?
- Jon: Hello, Russell.
- Russell: How are you?
- Jon: I'm okay.
- Russell: Hmm. Wh-ohhmm. Nothing.
- Jon: That's not really using "whom" in the correct capacity, is it?
- Russell: I don't know what's wrong with him, Nathan!
- JON: I can't find this email, but someone's sent an email that just ended - it's to you, and then it just ends with, "By the way, Russell, I heard a rumour you've only got one leg. Is that true?"
- RUSSELL: ...What?
- JON: Someone's just heard a rumour that you've only got one leg.
- RUSSELL: ...Right.
- JON: When, in fact, you've got three.
Put some Russell Howard and Jon Richardson podcasts on my mp3 this morning to listen to on the way to placement. Bad idea. Started giggling to myself on the bus and couldn’t stop. For once, I was that nutter on the bus.
Oh, I know this feeling, far too much. Buses, trains, walking. Grinning like a weirdo.
- Russell: I know most Doctors become comedians.
- Jon: Like?
- Russell: Harry Hill.
- Jon: ...Yes? Who else?
- Russell: Um, Dr. Funny.
